“Dad, my brain said that you’re a bad dad and mom is a bad mom.”
“Dad, my brain said that I should hurt myself and hurt you and mom.”
“Dad, my brain said that someone is going to take me.”
“Dad, my brain said that I am gay.”
Each of these statements and many more like them came out of my 11 year old son’s mouth countless times, and each time I would sit with him and tell him to ignore them or change the channel in his head. I would tell him to think of something positive since there’s so much to look forward to, but the thoughts and the statements kept on persisting. Why is my son having these thoughts? Is this a prodrome to a more serious psychiatric condition? Is he really capable of hurting himself or someone else, or is this just a phase?
As a medically educated person I sought an expert’s help with my son’s struggles, but I didn’t recognize what his condition really was. I figured it was anxiety and a child therapist was a good first step. I asked his pediatrician to recommend a therapist and she was happy to comply and gave me a referral. I called this therapist who seemed to be appropriately credentialed and we started bringing him to therapy once a week. My son was more than willing to go and talk with the therapist since he disliked the intrusive thoughts and the anxiety it brought him and wanted to help himself get rid of them. We went week after week and after thousands of dollars and many hours spent, he really didn’t improve. His thoughts were as bad or worse than before and I was getting more worried.
Frustrated and concerned that my son was suffering, and neither I nor a licensed therapist were able to help, I sought further assistance from my network of highly experienced experts (I am fortunate to work in the Pharma industry and have a network of experts that I can talk with). I reached out to a colleague and described my son’s symptoms and he quickly came to the suspicion that my son was suffering from OCD spectrum of disorders with intrusive thoughts and not garden variety general anxiety disorder that the therapist we were seeing thought he had. He recommended that I reach out to an expert in OCD. There was a certain amount of relief that came with the fact that my son had a specific anxiety disorder and there were specialists that had experience in treating it successfully.
After briefly speaking with the OCD expert on the phone, I traveled to Boston with my son for a consultation visit. After a short period of time, it was confirmed that he was suffering from OCD with intrusive thoughts. Prior to the visit, I ordered our new therapist’s books on the subject and showed my son who thought it was pretty cool that he was meeting someone “famous”. The first visit lasted almost 2 hours and by the end, it seemed that the session had already started to help. On the way home, my son stated he really liked the therapist and what he talked about. We continued the sessions via Skype and with each session, he seemed to get better and better, realizing the thoughts were just thoughts.
I think the most important message to parents with children that suffer from invasive or intrusive thoughts is to recognize that this is a distinct anxiety disorder that requires a certain type of therapy. The appropriate diagnosis along with the specific therapy tailored for this disorder is the first step to certain improvement. I am very thankful that my son’s invasive thoughts are much less frequent now and when they do pop up, he is much better prepared to deal with them (as am I).
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