Below is an excerpt from Chapter 5 of my book “Getting Control:  Overcoming your obsessions and compulsions”.  This section refers to working effectively with a family member or friend who is helping you with CBT, but the advice applies equally to dealing with all family members.

“Don’t ask your helper for reassurance.  Don’t fall into the trap of searching for reassurance to reduce an obsession.  If you think you’ve cut yourself by handling scissors during a practice session, don’t keep asking your helper to reassure you that you haven’t been injured.

If you do this you’ll be putting your helper in an uncomfortable situation:  either he gives in and reassures you that you aren’t hurt – in which case he defeats the purpose of exposure and response prevention – or he must tell you “We can’t discuss that” – in which case he risks getting into an argument with you.  Don’t put him in this unfair situation.

Don’t argue with or get angry with your helper during practice sessions.  Your helper has to encourage you to confront situations that make you feel uncomfortable – like throwing away junk you’d prefer to keep – and to resist compulsions that would make you feel better.

This is a difficult job.  Nobody likes to make a loved one uncomfortable.  But she is doing this to help you, because you asked her to.  Don’t make her job any harder than it has to be.

Remember your helper is enabling you to accomplish the practice goals you both agreed to.  Don’t argue with her or get angry with her for doing her job.  If you suspect that your helper is not following the procedures correctly, have her reread the section of this book that discusses the specific procedure.”