My advice to those having fears of harming themselves or fears of harming others, and OCD thoughts in general, is: you can outsmart the OCD.
Your creative mind is picking the worst possible things you imagine doing, producing high levels of anxiety. Rituals that follow, i.e. checking, reassurance seeking etc., are what you are doing to reduce the anxiety. The urges you feel to complete the rituals is incredibly strong. However, as I’m sure you have experienced, rituals are time consuming, can take away life enjoyment, and can feel very overwhelming and annoying. Know that you are definitely not alone with your thoughts and rituals, and that OCD need not take over your life.
Know that having these thoughts does not mean you are crazy, and it does not mean you will act on these thoughts. As someone that has OCD, I know that the amount of doubt OCD brings can make it feel impossible to trust yourself and know for sure that you will not act on your thoughts. I want you to imagine believing in yourself again, and all the ways that it will positively impact your life. I want you to picture having the thoughts that cause your anxiety levels to shoot up through the sky, no longer producing anxiety. This is entirely possible. As you trust your mind and body more, the trust in yourself will build.
One of the things behavior therapy has taught me is the power of the brain. The mind is a brilliant thing and takes care of many processes without you having to constantly monitor, check, or seek reassurance. You don’t constantly have to worry if you are hurting yourself or others. I always felt like I had to watch myself to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong, so this was a hard thing to accept. The fact is, this won’t happen overnight. It takes hard work, but you can build trust in yourself. I was highly suspicious of this at first, and felt that I would have to live with my fears forever. However, exposure therapy continues to build my trust in myself, and allow me to face my fears.
No matter how depressed you feel, know that changing your behavior can change your thoughts. Resisting exposures and trusting your mind and body takes time, but can make living with OCD manageable. You can enjoy life again in ways that you never imagined possible. The power of medication and therapy available to OCD patients today is truly amazing compared to where it has been in the past.
Know that your OCD does not make you a damaged individual and is not something you have to be ashamed of. I didn’t believe this just a few short months ago. However, I now realize that the words ‘happiness’ and ‘I have OCD’ can coexist in the same sentence.